f. l. o. f.

Play

2009-11-04T16:58:17Z

Play

falling faintly, faintly falling

built our castle out of sand

tide is rising, waves are calling

packed our playthings

time to go

flof @ 2009-10-22T01:48:00

2009-10-21T18:17:16Z

一厢情愿的女妖：人家说床头打假床尾和。你爱嘛。
唐僧：我是一个出家人。我不懂得谈恋爱。我的爱是用来普度众生的。
女妖：这么说那也包括我咯。
唐僧：除了你。
女妖：真的那么恨我？
唐僧：好恨。
女妖：一点都不在乎我？
唐僧：完全不。

When she was sentenced to death by the Heavenly Court...

菩萨：就算你救了她又怎么样呢？
身受重伤的唐僧：我要更她在一起。

*Sqqqqquealllllllllll*
Seriously, I'm going to develop this further. This movie needs a better beginning, middle and end. It has so much potential to be a better movie. They should have cut CG to the bare minimum. There were a few beautiful moments but few is the keyword. I'll work on the story. moremoremore. Now i'm fired up!

Folly

2009-10-20T17:18:47Z

Summoned from the couch, I followed her strut into the bedroom. She sat me down in front of her desktop and made me watch. I know that guy, no, maybe, no I don't know him. He certainly looked a lot like M. She kept her arms folded, stood right beside me and watched me watched. I guessed what was coming but I continued to resist. M lookalike pounded an unknown Chinese girl with shoulder length bouncing black hair for a really long time as she moaned in violent pleasure. Someone was holding her down. There were three men in the room with her. I continued to resist but I guessed it. S was the man holding her down. Their laughter exuded a sort of crazed lust. The room was quiet. I resisted. It's not S. It's not S. He looked at her and smiled the smile I knew so well. He looked hungrily, and grabbed greedily all that was in front of him. Satyr smiled a twisted smile, the smile I thought I knew so well. It's not him. It's not him.I don't believe. The man behind the camera slapped me across my mind's mouth when he zoomed into S's face. Your turn to drill her. Haha, no lah. Haha. Drill her lah. It's your turn. It ended there. My convulsing heart continued the drill.

You think it's nonsensical to volunteer feelings in a nightmare like that. No volunteering is involved here and there is only one feeling. Without a choice, the heart remembers. Without a choice, the feeling is pain. I lose you each time my heart convulses.

WHEN lovely woman stoops to folly,
And finds too late that men betray,
What charm can soothe her melancholy,
What art can wash her guilt away?

The only art her guilt to cover,	5
To hide her shame from every eye,
To give repentance to her lover
And wring his bosom, is—to die.

So I thought

2009-10-08T16:15:30Z

that grad school will be different, that nasty people will at least pretend to be nice since we're supposed to be kinda grown up hence adept at being at least hypocritically polite but noooooooooooooooooooo... there are people out there who seem determined to make your life miserable and although my situation isn't as bad as it sounds, I feel unnecessarily provoked. I was just sitting in my own little spot and minding my own freaking business when people like YOU try to take advantage of my seeming harmlessness as permission granted to attack for no fucking reason. I'm not a saint but you're seriously the most evil person I've met to date. I wish to have nothing to do with you. Please don't ever talk to me again. Don't even look at me or walk past me. I want to have absolutely zero business with you forever and ever. Yucks. Pui pui.

Only When I Sleep

2009-10-04T17:42:59Z

It's not right to feel like your heart is being rent apart when you're waking up from a dream. I do not wish to speak in codes any longer and yes I was on my way to work at the CBD area when I first saw him. He smiled when our eyes met and I found myself in a bookstore during lunchtime. He was selecting a few kiddy books from a huge pile of books that were laid out messily on a huge table. I walked past him, glimpsed at a kiddy title and cleared my throat a bit too loudly. I walked down the aisle and wondered if he saw me. I caught sight of the kiddy title and picked it up. He did a heh heh heh behind me and I did not freak out. I turned around and found myself sitting at the edge of his bed. His little daughter was sitting crosslegged in the huge bed too in her kiddy pyjamas. We were chatting happily like a little family of three. He said, "I'm more Indian than Chinese." The little one cheekily said, "I'm more Chinese than Indian." She made a lot of sense to me since he's Indian Chinese while his ex-wife is Chinese. "Have you read Goosebumps?" she asked me. I said yes and she was suspicious. I told her the story I read. She smiled happily. She believed me. "Do you have a boyfriend?" she asked again. I said yes and she pouted. He looked at me then asked me what's he like. I told him. She looked at us, pushed her little specs up her tiny nosebridge and pretended to read. I looked at what she was reading. A is for Apple. What a silly book for such a precocious kid. I smiled. He continued to look at me. What's she like. He told me. I was contemplating giving her my entire collection of Fear Street books. She went to bed silently, sadly. I wish I could keep her. Teach her all I know. He hugged me well. I fell asleep crying. He hugged me well. I didn't want to fall asleep... and wake up to the nightmare of losing them both.

Proscratination to the max

2009-09-30T14:56:12Z

feeling severely torn by the recess week. I want to get some work done but I don't want it bad enough. Sanders is working his butt off while I'm fooling around with facebook apps. Rabbid, a fellow cubiclist (one who uses an office/ toilet cubicle), wants to go back to school tomorrow to get some work done. I seriously doubt I'll get anything done even under that kind of supposedly stress-inducing environment. I picked up countrystory there by the way. Bullcrap to "stressful hence conducive environment". Anyway, gave Sanders a hard time yesterday getting pissed off about his busy schedule. His defence made a lot of sense but my head's too thick with period to give a flying rat's care about logic. I'm sorry and many years of sorry in advance. Seriously, count your blessings I only give you crap once every three months some guys get it once every month. "the female of the species is more deadly than the male"

"shock shock horror horror shock shock horror" I realised my thighs are soft like jelly and I'm as pale as a ghost without blusher. I think I'm rotting. I'm sure nobody's reading this so hack lah, my arms feel like jelly too. So flabby. I'm like a walking flab but no! I refuse! I refuse to go for a workout! Sanders you better hold your peace or I'll rain WWIII on you. I'll go for a workout when I see 2 rainbows on the same day. and a flying pig.

"Always wanted to kiss you, but i always wanted to run from you cus i always wanted to miss you..."

2009-09-07T03:52:11Z

found six songs i used to listen to in seattle. suddenly feel transported back. except, the cold here is a kind of warmth induced cold. here, we try escaping from the sweltering heat by dipping into mechanical coolness. then, we wrap ourselves in pretty little knitted sweaters, sporty windbreakers that are too heat trapping for outdoor use, then then then, i realised we're perpetually in need of neither heat nor cool but a kind of protected warmth---

then then then

Thursday Night~ Honeyhoney

2009-09-01T05:11:11Z

I'm sittin' here with you tonight..
You make an awful pretty sight..
Since it's just us two tonight,
I think that we should screw tonight.

I'm feelin' kinda stuck tonight..
An old jukebox with a neon light..
I bit down on my luck tonight..
I think that we should fuck tonight.

It's not that I'm just using you,
you just look like you need it too,
And when that sun comes rolling through,
We'll have done what we came to do.

It's just me and you tonight..
I got no bark and I got no bite
-- unless of course that's what you like..
'might not get much sleep tonight.

It's not that I'm just using you --
you just look like you need it too.
And when that sun comes rolling through,
we'll have done what we came to do.

Ain't no need to think tonight,
to whisper "babe" or wink tonight.
Seems to me you'll do alright,
just keep bringing those drinks tonight.

www.myspace.com/honeyhoneyband

Love Dreams Awake

2009-08-20T13:19:08Z

with eyes that are older.

Happy Birthday Flof.

How strange

2009-07-31T14:16:21Z

I can't feel my feet. My legs are carrying me to the places I have to go. My mind is telling me how my body should react. But there's something 'me' that is suspended and I long to touch solid ground again. Is this what happens when you stray from an intended safepath, when you begin to overestimate your capabilities to survive a foreign route, when nothing is safe anymore and you're taking the biggest uncalculated risk of your life? I'm a balloon. Someone tie me down to a lamp post please.

The question is, exactly how much cooler can Sims get?

2009-06-20T11:44:58Z

</lj-embed>

Would you like to dance... with me?

2009-05-10T17:58:44Z

I've been searching for this tune for so long. I present to you "Sleep Walk" by Santo & Johnny. May all your dreams come true...

What's Next?

2009-05-08T07:56:36Z

It's amazing the number of times i've received inflammation from this world. They all hurt like hell but their causes are always uknown. I'm down with tonsils inflammation this time. I thought it was a sore throat but nooooooo, it's another inflammation. I don't know what's causing all these inflammation and I have no idea how to prevent them.

Three years ago I was hospitalised for 2 weeks. At first it was diagnosed by the campus doctor as gastric flu, a few days later i was diagnosed by another doctor as suffering from food poisoning, by the third day i was hospitalised for Liver Inflammation. I couldn't eat at all, puked out all food that settled briefly in my tummy. I was on the drip for a week and a half. Had trouble showering and peeing because I had to bring that bag of IV bag whenever I went. I was too rough at the beginning and blood went through the IV tube. After going through the horrifying possibility of jamming a scope down my throat, the CT Scan revealed that my body's pretty healthy. The inflammation in my liver was subsiding and the doctor explained that my liver was self-repairing. Interesting. So what's the cause of liver inflammation? Doctor A says it's "some unknown virus".

Two years ago I was "diagnosed" with tendonitis (tendon inflammation). I was in Seattle and was leaving for Singapore in a week's time. My tendon was swollen and the area hurt when it was merely in contact with water. I couldn't put any pressure on my foot without limping pathetically. I googled my symptoms and found out that it was tendonitis. The treatment suggested online was to rest as much as possible and let it heal on it's own. Yet another amazing self-healing body part. The cause of this inflammation? "Over exertion". I could not and still can't recall what caused this over-exertion. I walked to campus in the morning, as usual, got home and woke up in the morning with an inflamed tendon. What over-exertion?

Four days ago, I woke up in the morning with what seemed like a wisdom toothache. I checked out my left wisdom tooth in the mirror and it was fully grown. I already knew that and was wondering lamely if it was growing longer. Before long, the left side of my jaw started aching, then a slight bump on the left side of my neck began throbbing. I thought I caught a sorethroat from my mum. My temperature hovered between 37.2-37.8 degreesC. Went to the doctor when the pain was no longer bearable. Tonsilitis, inflammation of the tonsils. What's the cause? "Some bacteria infection". I was given antibiotics and lozenges. "It'll go away in less than a week" promised Doctor R. It still hurts and I can't sleep.

...

2009-04-29T06:07:17Z

As I drifted through the night with the last image of my dead face hanging in my head, two hands grabbed my bare shoulders. I didn't realise I was naked until those warm fingers touched my skin. I didn't struggle, didn't even turn around to see to whom those urgent hands belonged to. Before long, I was rushing limply through the dark with only death preoccupying my mind. So death is a naked mad rush. A flash of white light yanked me from those warm hands and I fell. It was a long fall. So long that I started to notice a fierce thudding in my chest. I started feeling warm but it brought no comfort. The picture of my dead face began to spin around my head. So this is my fall. The warmth of eternal damnation. The thudding grew wild.

It didn't get hotter. It got brighter. I kept my eyes open the whole time looking out for licking flames or bubbling lava. I saw nothing but darkness. The darkness got brighter. So bright, darkness was blindingly red. I couldn't feel my eyelids. I didn't know whether they were opened or closed. The next thing I knew, I was flung onto a hard, cold and wet surface. My heart fell further but bounced back up into its cage. The cold stung my skin. I could feel my damp hair stuck on my forehead. I opened my eyes.

I found myself lying on the floor of my bathroom. I struggled to get up. My back felt sore, my gastric acidic and my mouth dry. I stumbled hunched towards the sink. One hand supported my weight on the edge of the sink while another clutched onto my corroding gastric. I looked into the empty sink, the face of death twisted in my head. The mirror above waited. I closed my eyes and jerked my body straight. My gastric stopped hurting. My hunger surprised me. My eyes flicked open. I stared back at me. Besides looking like shit, no dead face.

(to be continued)

notice anything similar in my favourite mtvs?

2009-04-26T16:13:33Z

</lj-embed>

Meiko~heard it all before

2009-04-26T03:35:52Z

I'm so tired of staring at the wall
But I know I got to put you down
And I keep trying to make sense of it all
But I can't keep going around and around
And you know me well; you know me better than this
And I can't be sure if you're something I'd miss

'Cause I've heard it all before
I've heard it all before

I keep finding a little piece of me
Every time we disagree
And your words float like dandelions every other way
I can't keep listening to what you say

'Cause I've heard it all before
I've heard it all before
And I take everything I can
And I'll throw it out the door

Yeah, I've heard it all before
I've heard it all before
And I take everything I can
But I've heard it all before

Woof woof

2009-04-25T16:33:45Z

Stayed over at Sab's. We stayed up till 5 plus. She was still in bed when I filmed this in her living room. Sam scratched me once while I was stroking him and I was anticipating another attack when he approached me. I only realised his determination at making peace with me when he fell asleep. Cats. I like to pretend I'm not a fan of cats but he is kinda irresistable.

to love and be loved in return...

2009-04-25T10:01:38Z

Dandelions

2009-04-24T16:46:55Z

I think the mind is a strange little microfibre memory foam pillow. The more contact is established between myself and another fellow human being, the closer we become. I gradually forget how to behave around that person as soon as contact decreases. The dent on the foam pillow rises and only the scent of the person remains. I remember scents. Yes, I remember how you smell. But smells change and my memory of how you smell usually comes into conflict with your present scent. Maybe that's the reason why I no longer know how to behave around you.

23

2009-04-19T03:08:03Z

Waiting for my parents to pick me up from tiong bahru. How is it possible that i'm 23 when i can't even remember being 22? I'm heading towards mid 20s. Where the hell am i going? Stop moving forward! This song is dedicated to myself. Happy birthday Michelle. Have a nice life.

No, I'm not colorblind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind
But I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it
Don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun

Had a talk with my old man
Said "help me understand"
He said "turn sixty-eight
You renegotiate"

"Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
And don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"

Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark
Singing

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

</div></div>
Stop This Train - John Mayer</div>

Ran with the wind

2009-04-02T06:41:19Z

I'm going to be 23 soon. Where do free thinkers go after they pass on? Mortal combat. Scary to be alone in a room full of people you don't know. The beginning is the end. The importance of being earnest. Your son looks like that. Oh my god he looks like my husband. Amazing. Grace. Graces. John Banville. The Sea. Page 11. Mrt. Sale. USD 7.90. Amazing. Chum-na. Korea. Too long. Papyrus. Ezra Pound. Spring... Too long... Gongula... . Sappho. Muse. Supermassive black hole. Pop. Papa thinks popular things are "pop". This hairstyle is very pop. These shoes are very pop. This stall's hokkien mee is also very pop. Papa is right. Everyone loves pop and Britney rocks. Copycat. Copycats. What are they feeding you? Cereal. CocoKrunch. My favourite. Cockroach crunch. When you step on them fast and hard enough. According to the movies. Don't try to be funny. Where is the money? Dong xi zai na li. Advertisements. You need to be wiser. Watch more TV. Hong Kong dramas are the best. TVB rocks. I listened to BBC once when I was little. Was happy to catch ultra short sentences.Giving up was easy. Power Rangers was pop. So was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Turtles in their hard shells. Turtle Power. Captain Planet he's the hero. Gonna bring pollution down to zero. Love.

"it's late and i'm feeling so tired having trouble sleeping"

2009-03-28T18:59:37Z

don't want to sleep yet because i don't want this carefree moment to end.

Blank

2009-03-26T19:35:47Z

Felt nothing the whole of yesterday. I forced 2 laughs while watching tv.

Not

2009-03-23T03:26:34Z

"He walked pass the lecture theatre without looking in. It was not a long walk, but long enough for him to overhear the first law of Thermodynamics, ‘...which leads us to the first law of Thermodynamics. The increase in internal energy of a system is equivalent to the amount of energy added by a heating system, minus the amount of lost as a result of work done by the system on its surroundings.’ No, he didn't attempt to formulate the equation in his head. It was not his field. But it did trigger something in his memory, ‘Energy can neither be created nor destroyed.” Secondary Two Physics. He had wanted to become a scientist at one point in life. The mind was simple then. He hadn’t even learned the pleasures of jacking off.

Delayed gratification. It is a very civilised thing to do. You try to hold it off when you’re on a train, a plane, in your parents’ car, the middle of class, at a meeting, a conference. Hold it off until you’re in the privacy of your own bedroom. Dump your bags and drop your pants. For a moment, you’re no longer human. You’re somewhere else or something else. The rhythm tugs you. The rhythm pulls you. You’re just you. There’s nothing in your head except porn."
================================================================================
Tried to find something meaningful to do the whole of yesterday. In the midst of searching I came up with this little story before falling into a deep afternoon slumber. Woke up at 7pm and felt an urgent urge to paint. Painting suits me better. I feel an inclination to gravitate towards porn in my writing. It's mind-boggling.

Shut up

2009-03-22T17:52:57Z

Human relationships are so hard... so difficult to deal with. People explode at the smallest things. You spend all your time pleasing someone and risk pissing another person off. You're feeling inexplicably uncomfortable and this is affecting everyone around you. Negotiating three positions is as bad as biting your own tongue. You spend your whole day at home trying to distract yourself but something remains amiss. You should shut up but you can't because if you did, things could get worse. You start talking and things are not looking up. You're at a loss. They made up. You're left hanging. Is this the kind of position you're determined to be subjected to for the rest of your life? Maybe you should seriously consider shutting up. Try to be kind to yourself. God gave us a pair of ears, a pair of eyes and one mouth in order that we can judge more and talk less. So, Shut up shut up shut up. Get it?